The “Starling” archetype

Cultural context

In European and Russian life the starling is a bird of the doorstep. It turns up in early spring, while the snow is still grey at the edges, and moves into the box a household nailed to a pole or birch trunk for exactly that purpose; Russians even named the little house after it, the skvorechnik. People forgave the racket because it carried news that winter was loosening. They also enjoyed the way it talked. A starling lifts phrases from a gate hinge, a neighbour's whistle, a passing blackbird, and hands them back with flourishes, and Mozart is said to have kept one as a pet and enjoyed its borrowed tune. Outside nesting season it gathers in wheeling clouds over fields and city squares, which is a fair picture of its folk character: sociable to the point of noise, quick to settle in with anyone, easy in any crowd, yet particular about whose roof it nests under.

Scales

Read through the poles of its character, this bird is a tidy, tasteful bird with a streak of the schemer. Order, craft and a feeling for beauty sit at the centre: the nest is built carefully, the song is composed with real pleasure, and the work gets done. Curiosity keeps the door open to anything new, stamina carries it through long migrations and short tempers alike, and a love of play keeps the mood light. Gregarious energy and a taste for standing a little above the neighbours come along too. Plain modesty is not its gift. Cunning, hoarding and a sense that the best perch is rightfully its own sit comfortably in the same feathers, while an unrebellious streak means it would rather join the flock's chatter than argue with it.

Strong traits

Adaptability, harmony and sociability form the starling's bedrock. Change barely slows it: when a plan collapses it has already found another route, another roof, another crowd to join, which makes it a wonderful companion in an upheaval and a shaky one for projects that need five years of the same course. Its gift for harmony smooths quarrels and keeps a household pleasant, though it may smooth them too quickly, leaving the necessary argument unspoken and the decision postponed. And it recharges among people, so much so that private tasks wait until the crowd has gone home, and solitude, which it needs more than it admits, is something it keeps forgetting to arrange.

Noticeable traits

The middle band is the noisiest. Eloquence gives the starling a persuasive tongue, and on a bad day that persuasion slides from honest conversation into steering. Greed makes it a provident hoarder, good in lean seasons and slow to part with anything when times are fat. Cheerfulness lights up a room but can be a way of dodging a heavy talk. Territoriality marks out a corner and guards it, with a quick suspicion of strangers; fussiness sends it darting from one errand and one rumour to the next; bluntness says the thing to your face and then wonders why the room went cold. Mimicry lets it blend into any company, at some risk of losing its own voice, and boastfulness makes sure every small triumph is announced, sometimes a bit above its real size.

Muted traits

Aggression sits low in the starling, like a chick at the bottom of a hollow. Most days it never surfaces; the bird is friendly, flexible and forgiving. The nest is a different matter. A threat to the box, the family or the corner it has claimed brings out a sudden, loud and surprisingly hard defence, and the same flare can be turned on a friend who steps over a line. Used well, it is courage: the ability to hold a border and say no. Left unchecked, it burns through the goodwill the bird works so hard to earn the rest of the year.

How to be around

How do you live alongside a starling? Mostly by joining the conversation. It wants an audience, a roof of its own and a calm mood around it, and it gives back warmth, news and a good deal of noise. The advice that follows is tuned to age and role, because a starling at forty, at fourteen and at four asks for different things from the people who love it.

With a woman

A woman-starling is the one who keeps the peace at the table, and she often pays for it. She will agree to the awkward holiday plan, laugh off a slight, and rearrange her own week so nobody sulks. Notice it, and say so: "You always smooth things over, and I know it costs you. What do you actually want this time?" Then wait through the pause, because her first answer will probably be the diplomatic one. Offer to carry one hard conversation for her, the call to the landlord or the word with a difficult relative, so she learns that peace does not have to mean silence. Praise the decisions she makes, not just the calm she creates.

With a man

Every man-starling needs a corner of his own, and he will defend it with surprising heat: the garage bench, the armchair by the window, the shelf where the tools hang in his order. Ask before borrowing from it. When he begins the story of his latest triumph, resist the urge to puncture it. Ask how he pulled it off and what he would change; boasting met with questions about details turns into an honest account, and that is usually when he is most likeable.

With a teenage boy

Teenage boy-starlings try on other people's voices the way other boys try on jackets: this week it is a streamer's catchphrase, next week his best friend's swagger. Do not mock the borrowed style. Hand him places where copying is a craft, such as a school radio slot, an improv club or a voice-acting workshop, and let his original voice come through in the gaps between impressions.

With a teenage girl

A teenage girl-starling is often an artist of the spoken word, wonderful at making a story shine and slightly too good at making it shine beyond the facts. Ask her to tell you what happened twice: once for the audience, once just for you. She tends to relax into the second version. Meanwhile, share something beautiful with her, a playlist, a flea-market find, a bad poem you both laugh at, since her feelings run deeper than her jokes let on.

With a child

A child-starling flits between games, narrates every one of them, and abandons half before the rules are clear. Hand the little one a single job with an end you can see, such as assembling a nest box from a kit or laying the table for guests, and cheer when it is finished rather than when it is started. Keep your promises about small things, because this child will repeat your excuses back to you in your own tone.

With an animal

A pet starling craves company and noise more than quiet. Do not leave it alone all day. Talk to it while you cook, whistle one simple tune each morning, and reward it with a bit of fruit the moment it sings the tune back. Put its perch where it can watch the household.

After a quarrel

To quarrel with a starling or get under its skin, take its corner. Sit in the chair it considers its own, rearrange its shelf, or turn up uninvited at the spot it has been guarding. Mock its stories in front of other people and it will bristle; correct them every time and it will answer bluntly and louder. Women among starlings are hurt when their peacemaking is called meddling. A man-starling bridles when his things are touched without asking. A teenage boy flares when his style is laughed at, a teenage girl when her tales are checked against the facts in front of friends. A child is upset by a game ended halfway, and a pet by a stranger at its perch. Apologies work faster than arguments: a joke and a returned chair, and the flare dies.

How to befriend

To befriend a starling or win it over, arrive with news and an appetite for its news in return. Listen to its version of the day all the way through, then trade a story of your own; it loves an even exchange. Bring something to share, a cake for the table or a joke worth repeating, because generosity is the quality it admires and does not always manage. With a woman-starling, thank her for the evenings she made pleasant. With a man-starling, ask about his projects. Teenagers open up through shared hobbies and music, a child through a game with a clear finish, and an animal through a regular whistle and a bowl set down at the same hour. Time and plenty of talk do the rest.

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